things have hit a standstill
Feb. 6th, 2003 12:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thatabbygirli've hit some sort of wall. i just cannot make myself do any productive work that requires thinking. i'm supposed to be outlining two remedies essays and reviewing a performance exam to make sure i'm familiar with all the forms.
instead, i'm playing solitare, watering flowers, neating up clothes, reading my friends page, checking my horoscope, looking at the weather in every american city in which anyone know has ever lived, stuff like that.
I. Will. Not. Work. i am so fucking sick of this process--looking up at the calendar in front of me, i have spent a significant portion of ever single day since december 27 working on this crap. that's 42 days. and there's still 18 more days until the test. during which i will spend a significant portion of every day stdying this same old shit, which is useful only for the exam which is boring beyond boredom, which i am just Over.
so fucking over.
i don't know how to get past this wall. the panic would usually help, but i'm so frustrated and stressed and beaten down by all of this that the resulting depression is beating down the panic. i thought planning a vacation for after the bar might help with motivation, but the planning for that has turned out to be such an enormous hassle that it's just adding too, not reducing, my stress.
i feel like screaming all the time. i threw a full-on tantrum this morning, lying on the floor and banging my hands and feet on the carpet. it didn't especially help.
i don't know how to get past this.
instead, i'm playing solitare, watering flowers, neating up clothes, reading my friends page, checking my horoscope, looking at the weather in every american city in which anyone know has ever lived, stuff like that.
I. Will. Not. Work. i am so fucking sick of this process--looking up at the calendar in front of me, i have spent a significant portion of ever single day since december 27 working on this crap. that's 42 days. and there's still 18 more days until the test. during which i will spend a significant portion of every day stdying this same old shit, which is useful only for the exam which is boring beyond boredom, which i am just Over.
so fucking over.
i don't know how to get past this wall. the panic would usually help, but i'm so frustrated and stressed and beaten down by all of this that the resulting depression is beating down the panic. i thought planning a vacation for after the bar might help with motivation, but the planning for that has turned out to be such an enormous hassle that it's just adding too, not reducing, my stress.
i feel like screaming all the time. i threw a full-on tantrum this morning, lying on the floor and banging my hands and feet on the carpet. it didn't especially help.
i don't know how to get past this.
