see me disco
Apr. 1st, 2003 11:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thatabbygirlvacation was lovely. i don't want to detail the specifics, so suffice to say that although it took a couple of days to get unwound from everything that had been going on before i left, relaxation was achieved. we saw a lot of neat and interesting stuff, including miles and miles of the california coastline that seemed too gorgeous to be believed. ate a lot of good food, too.
although i was feeling like i was ready to come home--tired of eating exclusively in restaurants, eager to sleep in my own bed, thrilled at not living out of a duffel bag--i'm not taking to the return very well. too many bills and errands and regular-life things to take care of.
work is kind of a problem, too. i've received a fellowship, but since it's designed for people who are graduating in may and taking the bar over the summer, the funding doesn't start until september. the organization i'm going to work with would like me to start now, but they're not sure if that's permitted either by the rules of the fellowship or by their budget right now. so as it stands, i could start anywhere between monday and september. with no idea of what i'd do with myself until september were i not to start until then. given how bad i am with blocks of free time and general uncertainty, this is not a situation that leads to peace of mind on my part.
i need to go on new meds, or more meds, or something different meds, too. i'm depressed again. no mania or even verging towards it, thank god, but i am really sick of being depressed. also, if someone has seen my sex drive, please return it to me. sex now seems like an obscure concept in a foreign language that doesn't quite translate into the one i speak. i can't really get my mind around it, or understand why it would be appealing. it doesn't occur to me that it's a practice that might be applied to me.
so yeah. that's how things are. not super-bad, but could be better.
although i was feeling like i was ready to come home--tired of eating exclusively in restaurants, eager to sleep in my own bed, thrilled at not living out of a duffel bag--i'm not taking to the return very well. too many bills and errands and regular-life things to take care of.
work is kind of a problem, too. i've received a fellowship, but since it's designed for people who are graduating in may and taking the bar over the summer, the funding doesn't start until september. the organization i'm going to work with would like me to start now, but they're not sure if that's permitted either by the rules of the fellowship or by their budget right now. so as it stands, i could start anywhere between monday and september. with no idea of what i'd do with myself until september were i not to start until then. given how bad i am with blocks of free time and general uncertainty, this is not a situation that leads to peace of mind on my part.
i need to go on new meds, or more meds, or something different meds, too. i'm depressed again. no mania or even verging towards it, thank god, but i am really sick of being depressed. also, if someone has seen my sex drive, please return it to me. sex now seems like an obscure concept in a foreign language that doesn't quite translate into the one i speak. i can't really get my mind around it, or understand why it would be appealing. it doesn't occur to me that it's a practice that might be applied to me.
so yeah. that's how things are. not super-bad, but could be better.
